MEMO: School Drop Off

TO:      Parents who drop children off at school
FROM: Schools in every district of every town

Please be advised - new rules go in to effect immediately and must be followed, or your drop-off privileges will be revoked!

1.  All rules of the road will be considered obsolete.

2.  When turning right in to the parking lot, do NOT allow the fellow parents attempting to turn left from the opposite direction to turn in.  This can allow the traffic to fully back up to the next stop-sign which helps promote awareness of our school's existence.

3.  Do not pull up the furthest possible spot before stopping to let your child out.  Doing so only allows too many cars in to the drop-off lane and does not leave enough cars on the road waiting to get in. 

4.  If the car in front of you is taking too long because their child is special needs and can't jump out fast enough, make sure to come as close to rear-ending them as you can to try to get them to hurry.  If this doesn't work, zoom around them as quickly as you can.  Don't they know your time is IMPORTANT!? 

5.  Ignore the safety patrol that is waving you in or telling you to stop.  They're really only there for the cameras.

6.  Whatever you do, do NOT thank the children and/or staff for helping your child out of the car.  Your tax dollars pay them enough; you shouldn't have to be NICE to them, too!

7.  When leaving the school, make sure to either:
     a) turn left from the right-hand lane, as I'm sure the person in the left lane didn't really want to leave, anyway; or
     b) sit in between the two lanes, check your messages on your phone, change your radio station, drink a few sips of coffee, and block anyone else from leaving for as long as you can.

8.  Do NOT allow students and/or parents who are waiting in a cross-walk to cross in front of you!  You shouldn't have to wait on them to walk.  Don't they know who you are!?  (This one is especially important if it's raining and/or freezing cold.)

Remember - You are important.  You are the only person who is running late, going to work, needing to pee.  You are the only person that has a child (or children) who have to get in to that school.  Make sure everyone knows just how important YOU are!  And do NOT let anyone get in your way, no matter what it takes!!!

Thank you for your immediate action on these new rules.