Thursday, January 12, 2012

Filter's Broken!

Do you ever have those moments in your life that you replay over and over and over again? A conversation, a sentence, or a word that you wish you'd NEVER said?  One that should never come out of your mouth.  One that no other, normal, person would ever think of saying?  I do, almost every day. 

You see, I have no filter.  I say what I think like a 5-year-old kid.  Words come to my mind and out of my mouth without a thought.  It's not until after the fact that I realize, "I probably shouldn't have said that." 

There's one particular one that I think about almost every day.  I regret with every fiber of my being the words I said and there is no way to go back in time and unsay them.  And almost every day, I am reminded of those words every time I see a large flag flying in the breeze.

I'm a 32-year old woman who, just a few years ago, asked one of the most important people in my life, "What kind of moron does that" when I was admiring his flag flying on his 25' flag pole.  I meant for something "funny" to come out, but those were the exact words.

Yep, I called my dad a moron.

And I TOTALLY didn't mean it that way!  But, those words came out faster than my brain could process, completely bypassing that filter you're supposed to have.  And now, several years later, I replay them in my mind and just want to crawl back into a corner. 

I find myself lacking a filter on a regular basis, when I'm talking to my children, when I'm "picking" on my friends, etc.  I'd like to think that I recover fairly well when I explain what I meant, but should I have to explain every other comment that comes out of my mouth?  Shouldn't adults be able to stop and think before they speak?  I just hope that they realize I never mean it the way it comes out.  The last thing I ever want to do is hurt people; I'm not built that way.  It pangs me to think I might hurt someone's feelings with my words, especially when the words that come out are rarely what I intended them to be in the first place.

So, the question I must pose to you . . .you can go to almost any store and buy a filter for your a/c, a filter for your car, a filter for your humidifier . . . Anyone know where you buy a filter for you mouth!???


  1. This is just my opinion (though I do have a very *high* opinion of my opinion so please give it the added weight it deserves) but I think people who have gotten to know you know there isn't any ill intent behind your words. Personally, I love people that you never know what they'll say next.

    Life is too short to spend it beating yourself up for unintended shiznit, chica! You've got friends, right? (And here, BTW, is where you say "Yes!" because I'm ONE OF THEM.) I think you should give yourself a break...regret the stuff you do on purpose instead like normal people do ;-)

  2. Melissa, when have I *ever* been normal? lol. Why start now?