The Bad

I can not begin to explain the pain I feel when I go to pick L up from school and I have to watch as kid after kid comes walking out of the doors, sees their parent, jumps into their arms, and leaves happily to go about their merry days.  Meanwhile, I sit on the bench, the two teachers that are able to come out looking at me with pity, as the third teacher is somewhere within the confines of the building trying in vain to get L to come out.  It could be that she is in the classroom, unable to will herself in to the hallway.  It could be that she is in the cafeteria, unwilling to walk towards the exit.  Or maybe, she starts walking towards the door, sees me, turns around and runs or throws herself on the ground, refusing to continue forward.  And when she finally does acknowledge me, she screams "I want daddy!" or "I don't know you" or "I don't see my mamma!".  She really knows how to make someone feel loved. 

Today, I had to physically pick her up and carry her to the car.  She was THAT adamant about not going with me or leaving school.  When I begin walking with her, her whole body melts in to mine and she becomes limp noodle.  Finally, I get her in to the car, buckled in to her seat, and proceed to back up. That's when the REAL fun begins!

The drive from school to daycare lasts around 20 minutes.  It feels more like 20 hours when you're listening to a 4 1/2 year old little girl screaming at the top of her lungs that she "never want[s] to see you again!" and she is "NOT going to day care!".  So, I do the logical thing and blast the radio to drown her out.  I'm telling you, I WILL be deaf by the time she's 6.

How can any person keep their sanity when this is the awesomeness they get to endure on a daily basis?  Friends are so incredibly helpful.  Friends that have children with special needs knock sense back in to me, especially when those friends have it so much harder than I do.  My husband, bless his soul, is probably the only reason I have not completely gone batshit crazy.  I thank God for him every day, as he seems to be the one person that can always calm down a lost-in-transit child. 

Fast forward the 20 minutes, take L inside to daycare and see K.  K runs up to me and gives me the biggest hug imaginable.  It's almost like she KNOWS.  I immediately feel my blood pressure drop about 60 points and I am able to walk out the doors without crying and with the faintest smile on my face.

Tomorrow is another day and a fresh start.  Let's see what it brings us :)