And So It Begins . . .

Picture it:  L. October, 2012.  Birthday party of a friend. Lots of people. Lots of noise.  People she knows. People she doesn't.  10 mg of STX-209 in her system twice a day.  Here she is swinging at the piñata anticipating the goodies that will come pouring out once it's broken.  (Look at her stance. You just KNOW she's gonna knock the schnockers out of it!)

 

Picture it:  L. June, 2013.  School party with her classmates.  Lots of people. Lots of noise.  People she knows.  0 mg of STX-209 in her system.  Notice the lack of picture below of her swinging at the piñata?  That's because she didn't. Not today.

All she talked about all week was the "pick-a-nic" at the park on Friday!  She was so excited. 

I was already sitting in the pick-up line at the school when L's class was walking back from the park, ready to end their last day of school.  I knew things didn't go well when I saw her walking, holding her teacher's hand with headphones on her ears.  <sigh>  I wonder what triggered her . . .

She goes through the school, gets her backpack, and I wait.  Her aide came to my car and said L was in the nurse's office because she melted down after a mosquito bit her.  They could not calm her down while at the park until they promised her she could go to the nurse when they got back to school.  So, I waited.

L finally comes out of the school, still holding teacher's hand, still wearing the headphones.  I was informed that the park trip was not successful, but she made it through.  I asked L how today was and she said, "fine".  I asked if she hit the piñata and she said, "all the kids wanted to". 

I said, "I know. Did you get to?" 
L: "no". 
Me: "why not? Too many kids? Did it break before it was your turn?" 
L: "NO!  I COULDN'T DO IT!!!!!" 

My heart dropped.  My baby girl was so upset that she couldn't do it.  I could picture it in my head:  it's her turn.  She steps up to take the stick and her body freezes.  Everyone's encouraging her.  She throws herself on the ground and says, "I can't!"  Then, she starts grunting, hitting herself, possibly biting herself because she really WANTS to do it, but she can not make her body do what her will wants.  I see her teacher picking her up off the ground, walking away from everybody, and wiping her tears.  I can picture L's breathing getting slower as her body starts to relax again and the anxiety attack fades.  I see her finally walking back to the piñata and slowly pick up a few pieces of candy from the ground, because that's all that's left by the time she's able to move again.

I had to fight back tears on the drive home.  It made me remember last night when she was getting ready for bed. She took the rubber-band out of her hair and it fell. She couldn't find it and became upset.  I was in the kitchen not watching too much what was going on, but her daddy was trying to console her, let her know it would be okay.  I walk by them to head to another room when I saw it.  L hit her daddy in the face.  It was a hit of frustration, agitation.  I know she didn't know what she was doing or why she was doing it, but seeing her hit him shook me.  I have not seen that kind of action from my baby girl before. 

I know there are some who feel fighting the drug companies is not the way to go.  I know that the trial drug did not "succeed" in the written goal.  I also know that my child was changed.  It wasn't a placebo affect.  The medicine was genuine and true and gave me the daughter I know L is. 

Now that the medicine is out of her system, MY L is gone.  It's only been 2 weeks since she titrated down.  It's only been 30 hours since she took her last pill.  I've already seen more meltdowns, more fits, more "I can'ts", more hitting, and more biting attempts than I saw in the last year combined. 

I am sad beyond belief, for her, for her sister, for their daddy.  I know it will all be well in the end, but now it's MY turn to grieve.  I haven't truly done so yet because I always knew there would be a way to make things better.  For the time being, however, the struggles will return.  We will once again have to plan for every possible scenario to help prevent meltdowns.  We will once again sit as close to the exits as we can so we can make our quick getaways.  We will once again have to rearrange our lives to make L as comfortable and "safe" as we can. 

And I'm going to have to be okay with that . . . .for now.

Processing ....

Complacency.  It happens to the best of us. We get so comfortable in a situation that we stop trying, stop looking for better ways, stop worrying.  Until ...

Funding.  It's the hot topic of conversation in government lately.  What can be cut?  Where can spending be limited.  How can we afford the luxuries we've all become accustomed to?  Money is always at the back of people's minds.  Money is the root of all evil.

We have become complacent in our search for helping L.  We've become comfortable in believing the money would always be there.  Her doctors would always be there to hand out her medicine and the FDA would come along and approve the new meds she's been on for the last year.  The same medications that have helped her and so many affected by Fragile X Syndrome. 

Never in a million years did we think the rug would be pulled out from under us with five little words, "we don't have the money". 

I have been sitting on the verge of tears, a few of which have escaped my eyes, thinking of the impact this will have on our lives, on so many people's lives.  I'm sad.  I'm scared.  I'm feeling the need to scream and cry and write to people to fix this. 

A year ago, L began a journey in the field of medicine that would improve her life more than I could have hoped.  She became a little girl that wanted to take on the world.  Her verbal skills sky-rocketed.  She started making friends and talking and playing with her classmates.  She started asking questions about things around her, questions that made sense.  A question no longer went unanswered or met with quizzical, empty eyes.  Stories began emerging of successes and attempts at things never imaginable. 

I heard people - family, friends, acquaintances, teachers, aides - raving about the improvements seen in a short amount of time.  I watched as L and her sister became friends who played together, who taught each other things, who helped each other and shared with each other, and read to each other.  Two sisters.  Best friends.

All of this may change, and change dramatically, all because of money.  The production of the medicine that L's been taking is coming to an abrupt halt.  The company doing the trial is discontinuing the project due to funding.  They don't have the resources available anymore. 

In my head, I picture young men going from playful classmates and sons to aggressive children in stuck in men's bodies, hitting and biting the people who are trying to help them the most.  I picture once calm and entertaining classrooms being overwhelmed with meltdowns, yelling, crying and jumping up and down.  I envision parents trying in vain to get their children to sleep, to eat, to get dressed on their own.  When the children are told "I love you", in response I hear . . . silence.

I fear for these families.  I am nervous for my baby girls, one of whom will be thrown back into the world of sensory overload and lack of understanding, one of whom, I'm afraid, will lose the sister she's come to know over the last year.

I'd like to think none of this will happen, that these advances the individuals have made will not regress.  I'd love to envision the funding miraculously materialize and this is all just a big "haha. Oops, sorry for scarin' ya".  But, I won't hold my breath.

I've been complacent too long, and all I've accomplished in this is to get blind-sided.  It's time to act.  While STX209 may not be saved (but we can all hope), raising awareness will get us somewhere and will get us heard.

Get your pens out and start writing.  Ready?

Go!

Here's to 2012

To say that 2012 was a hard year would be an understatement.  To say I'd like to forget it would be wrong.  If I did that, I would have lost all of the lessons learned and would not have grown.  And believe me, there were MANY lessons learned.

The year brought more pain than I could have possibly imagined.  I was betrayed in the worst way by someone I considered a friend.  I was betrayed in the worst way by my best friend.  The sword went in me, deep, and was twisted over and over and over again, up and down and left and right.  It sliced me in ways unfathomable.  It pierced my heart.  It spliced my soul.  It demolished my trust in people.  I am still in the healing process and I'm still wounded. 

However, these hurts taught me lessons.

Lesson one - friends, TRUE friends, are there for you in your deepest, darkest hours.  They will hold your hand and support you, even when they don't support your decisions.  They will hug you and let you cry.  They will hold the phone to their ears while you sit in silence on the other end, not saying a word, just to let you know they're there.  They will wrap their arms around you in church when you break down in uncontrollable sobs.  And they will not judge you during this entire meltdown.  They will help you build yourself back up, ready to face the world with you.  They will love you.

Lesson two - your spouse should be the relationship you nurture the most, not take advantage of.  You never know what others are capable of, but if you have a solid foundation, you can overcome it.  He must be honored, respected, and cherished, always.  He must be shown these things, regularly.  Never take it for granted that he knows.  Show him. Every. Day.  Continue to pursue.  Continue to flirt.  Continue to build upon your relationship.  This is the relationship you must keep strong, because one day (Lord willing), your children will move out, but your spouse will remain.  Make sure you want each other there when you're all alone.

Lesson three - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, submit to Him and He will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6.  I made many decisions this year that I had a hard time making.  The last thing I wanted to do was make this decision or that one.  I am grateful for my upbringing and my faith because before I said yes or no, stay or go, I closed my eyes, and cried out.  I prayed fervently, more than I ever had before. I tried to tell Him "no", and He laughed and said, "Yes".  So, I did as I was told and am forever blessed in doing so.  My year could have turned out so differently, and not for the better, if I had not listened with my heart and done what I heard.  I am eternally thankful.

However, the year was so much more than pain and suffering.  L has made progress in leaps and bounds thanks to her acceptance into the STX-209 study.  She is able to make sense of words and sentences, communicate somewhat effectively the majority of the time, and can enter unfamiliar places without too much prodding.  Her kinder teacher has nothing but praise for her, and she is starting to play with her classmates.  I can honestly smile just thinking about everything she has accomplished this last year.

K, too, has made much progress.  She decided that panties feel better than pull-ups, so she is finally potty-trained!!  It took a while for her to realize that L had a reason for not using the potty; once she finally understood, there was no looking back!  She makes a great "big" sister and is helping teach L.   K is also impressing her daycare teacher - she was the first in her class to be able to spell her name, count to 30, and recognize every letter and number.  It probably helps that she assists me in helping L with her homework.  It's definitely fun seeing her learn so much so quickly.  

Overall, I'd say 2012 was a growing year.  Every one of us has been taught lessons that will stick with us for the rest of our lives.  There are many things I'd never wish to relive and never wish on my worst enemy, but those are the things that taught me the most and forced me to grow.  

Thank you to my friends and family for helping me, guiding me, and letting me cry on your shoulders.  I could not have survived this without you.

Here's hoping 2013 is a less stressful year where healing continues, growth is less painful, and love expands exponentially.   

Sandy Hook Tragedy & My Views - A Social Commentary

**The Husband's Turn to Hijack the Blog Again**

Let me say this up front. Nearly every piece of information in this blog is MY OPINION. I do my best to base my opinion on facts whenever I can, which can make me seem very wishy-washy. My opinions seem to change about almost everything... I mean, I guess that is normal, right? I do not claim to be an expert... pretty much ever. I am not smart enough to be an expert, and I think to be an expert you need to know EVERYTHING about the subject. I think it is funny when I see someone on TV that has '_____ Expert' in their title. More often than not, they have a TEAM of people that know a whole awful lot about something... but THEY them self are not an expert.

To cover a wide range of things and to help me keep myself on track, I will divide this up in to sections. I am going to write this blog very raw, so it might be a little disturbing. As a parent, I can not write these thoughts without emotion. My soul was shaken to its core yesterday. All day long, whenever any of us would talk about it, L was in my mind. I fought back tears for most of the day every time someone would bring it up. I am fighting back tears just typing those last couple of sentences.
I am fascinated by serial killers and murderers. I have multiple books about them.  For years, Rachelle has been a little disturbed and worried about this.  I enjoy reading about them, what they were like, how they were raised. I try to find and understand their tipping point. As best I can remember, very few of them had a bad childhood or were abused. Often times there is something that to most rational people is just a very trivial event that sets them off. This applies to rampagers and serial killers alike. The difference being that the serial killer often has a justifiable mental condition for them to continue to take lives. Rampagers are often just pissed off about an event ("temporary insanity") and when they snap out of it and realize what they have done, kill themselves so as to not live with the guilt and have to face the public outrage. Obviously there are exceptions, but based on what I know and have read, this is the typical profile.

Who in the hell kills little kids?
I think that is the absolute most disturbing thing to me. Not that he killed his mom, or that he went in to a school and shot and killed others. The most shocking and disturbing thing to me is that he was able to walk in to an elementary school, in to a Kindergarten classroom, look at a room full of 5/6 year olds and pull the trigger, multiple times. Very disturbing.

The "Facts" and My Theories
 As is the nature of "news reporting" in this day, I have heard multiple reports that turned out to be false. I had heard that he killed his mother IN the classroom and then turned the gun on her students.  That made sense to me.... that is how these kind of things go. There might be a few collaterals on the way to the target, you get your original target, the adrenaline is really rushing now, and you start indiscriminately firing on anyone in your path. HOWEVER, the latest that I read said that he killed his mom AT THE HOUSE, and then drove to the school, and you know the rest. To me, that does not suggest blind rage. I heard a medical professional (I believe it was a psychiatrist) that was commenting on this. She said that by doing this he was killing another part of his mom. That makes me wonder if he thought of those kids as more important to his mom than he was. It has been said that they had a fight the evening before, or the morning of (again, the 'news reports' are all over the place when it come to the facts). Was this a central theme of the argument? Did his mom actually say something to support my assumption? We will probably never know.

I have heard some say that he possibly had Aspergers or was in some way on the Autism Spectrum. He has been described as 'painfully shy', 'socially awkward', and 'a very good student'. This could support the ASD claim, but nothing has been confirmed.
 At the risk of sounding like a jerk, I am on the fence if I want it to be an ASD diagnosis or not. On one hand, of course I do not want any negative attention on the autism community. They (as in the advocates) struggle enough as it is to be accepted into mainstream society and I would not want anything to set that back. On the other hand, if it comes out that he did have Aspergers or Autism, maybe this tragedy will lead to more research, more funding, better treatments, etc. etc.

Universal Health Care
 I have never been a proponent of ObamaCare. I have been to countries that have a free healthcare system and it has many flaws. Hell, the military medical system IS Universal Health Care, and if you follow Rachelle's many Facebook posts about the subject, you KNOW that the military healthcare system is a pain in the ass. After reading some very thought provoking posts and commentaries in the last day, I have come to the opinion that we DO need some aspects of Universal Healthcare in place. Most importantly, access to and care of those with mental health issues. I believe it is crucial that we focus on changing the stigma associated with mental health disorders. Far too often, those with mental health issues are looked down upon, medicated, and/or thrown into either an institution, or back in to society without the proper supports needed to help them get better. We must do a better job. We are the most advanced society ever, and every day we become more advanced.

Gun Control
Probably the most contentious and widespread argument to be debated is, and will continue to be, gun control. That if the killer did not have such easy access to guns this tragedy, and many more like it, would easily be prevented. That when they wrote the 2nd Amendment, they were not thinking about technology and modern weaponry. I find it hard to argue the constitutional argument. I tend to agree with those people in a basic sense. I do not agree with those who say that taking guns off the street will solve the problem and the facts support my opinion. There are many things that are illegal... and every one of those things are still a very prominent part of our society. Drugs are illegal, yet we still have a drug problem.
 Looking at the Washington D.C. and Chicago gun control laws that have been ruled unconstitutional, the murder and violent crime rates DECREASED in number, by as much as 14%, in those cities after the laws were ended versus when they were in place. Nationwide, in states that have Right-to-Carry laws, the violent crime rate is 24% lower than the rest of the U.S., the murder rate is 28% lower, and the robbery rate is 50% lower. The only conclusion I can make of this is that when lawful citizens are properly armed, unlawful persons are less likely to commit violence.  

Society, in General
Easy access to violent video games, tv shows, movies is another huge argument. I do believe that our society is disenfranchised with face-to-face social interactions. I am an example of this. I would much rather communicate through email than I would through personal contact. I can formulate my questions and responses more thoughtfully and articulately. I can type something, think about it, and reword it so that it makes my point stronger, or sometimes even changes my opinion once I see it written out. I've wondered if the video games and such alter our sense of reality, of good and evil, so much that we lose touch. But I do not think that is it. I think it has more to do with the WAY we are raising our children. We have lost touch with what it means to be a parent. We are consumed by such a fast paced lifestyle and the pursuit of something better that we do not take the time to teach our children these fundamental life lessons and skills. My dad never taught me to shoot a gun, but he did make sure that I knew that guns do, in fact, kill things... make them dead, forever. I cried the first time I killed a living creature. A pigeon. Since that day, I have shot and killed many a squirrel, rabbit, and raccoon. But I have never forgotten what it is like to take the life of a living creature.

I went to Basic Training with a number of people who were experiencing their first time holding and shooting a gun. Perhaps, even to this day, the only thing that they have ever shot was a piece of paper with a target on it. It was not until I started writing this blog that I had that thought. Thinking about it more, that saddens me. I am not saying that everyone should go out and kill something so that they know what it is like... but it damn well would not be the worst thing in the world (done legally of course). Step up as parents, take your kids out of the house and teach them some valuable life lessons that the generations before us learned growing up. Heck, just playing outside is a start in this day and age.
I don't think it is because of the violent video games, though that might admittedly be biased because I enjoy playing those shooting games that are often blamed. If I die in the video game, I come back to life and continue playing. I have a hard time thinking that anyone can get this confused with reality. Does anyone really believe that when you shoot someone that they just come back to life across the neighborhood? It might desensitize us to the violence, but surely everyone can understand that 1) It is a video game and 2) that death is forever. Perhaps that is just the optimist in me, but I really hope not.
The immortality displayed in movies, to me, is a more likely companion to the real life violence. Rachelle pointed it out to me as we discussed the contents of this blog post so far. When you watch a movie and a character is shot multiple times and does not immediately die, or even lives long enough to tell the hero who the bad guy is... maybe that does more damage to our psyche. Perhaps that leads people to believe that one bullet does not really kill. But then I think back to my childhood and the shows and cartoon that I watched. I can not even count the number of times that I saw Wiley Coyote blow himself up, or Tom maul himself with a hammer, Jerry narrowly escaping each and every time. We were subjected to a LOT of violence, but it was a different time and often it was animated.

I believe a lot of the problem in the United States can be attributed to the declining importance of basic manners. Maybe not the extreme violence, but just the general lack of care and concern for our fellow man. Do we live such a fast paced life that we can not take the time to say please and thank you? We can not allow common decency become extinct. This 'me first' attitude HAS to stop. I am as guilty as the next guy at times, so this is definitely not a holier than thou issue.

Having said all of this, I believe perhaps more than any reason, that it boils down to media sensationalism. In the rush to break the story, facts are misreported and, as we have undoubtedly seen over the last 24 hours, we just flat out get the wrong information. Again, because we live in the information age and everyone has access to the newest story, we are inundated with bad news as soon as it happens. Fifty years ago, the majority of us would not know anything about Sandy Hook until we read the evening paper... after a lot more of the facts were known and the rumors were laid to rest.We would be reading a fairly comprehensive article of facts and not assumptions or 'breaking news'. I think this kind of immediate news leads us to believe it is more commonplace than it really is, which then causes the uprising of the 'we need more security/gun control/tougher laws' groups. I do not want to dismiss the need for some reforms, but violent crimes are actually on the decline. We just hear about them more often because of the flow if information.
Along with the availability of the internet and the free flow of information comes the 1st Amendment (and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights adopted by the United Nations) and the rights of Free Speech/Religion/Expression. This is perhaps the greatest freedom that we enjoy, but it also comes with what I perceive as downfalls. We are free to spout off inaccurate and vile information to anyone without regard to the consequences, with very limited exception. The anonymity of the internet allows us to say things we normally would not say and to do things we would never dream of doing otherwise. This causes those who are not as strong in their core values to take what they read and hear as a challenge to do something even bigger and more heinous knowing that they will forever be immortalized. Their accountability is non-existent, but their story will live forever.
 Freedom of Speech is a tricky issue. If I advocate for changes to the First Amendment, I have no leg to stand on to those who argue that if we can change one amendment, why not the other. What we need to do is take a good hard look at ourselves as a society and change it from the inside out. 

Fundamentally, we need to be better people. That is the core issue. Take responsibility for your actions, take responsibility for the actions of your children. Teach others respect, tolerance... most of all teach LOVE.

Conundrum

With the recent election being "such a critical moment in history" (which one ISN'T described that way?), a lot of debates have occurred between friends, families, colleagues, etc.  People will tell you who to vote for and their version of why.  People will yell at you, call you names, insult your intelligence if you don't vote for who they think is best.

I have run in to my own dilemma, as most people probably have.  I know who I WANT to win.  I also know this person has no chance in hell of winning.  So, I have had arguments with myself, with my husband and with some friends about this.

With the way the democratic system is set up in our country, and the way the media bias presents it, there are only 2 potential parties that have any shot of actually becoming the president.  You are inundated with information about these 2 people, their good, their bad, their ugly.  If you turn on the television, radio, computer, e-reader, phone, you are slammed with irrelevant information about one or both of these candidates -- what they ate for dinner, where they went on vacation and with whom, what color of undies they're wearing and if they're tighty-whities or boxers or the awesome combination of the two known as boxer briefs.  (Hey, wait a minute! If we can MIX types of underwear, WHY can we not mix types of politicians!?  Seems a little hypocritical to me!)

Neither party actually represents fully what it seems the majority of Americans want and need.  Talking to people I know both intimately and superficially, it seems few, if any of them, are completely convinced either party should exist.  Almost everyone I've spoken with has said they want something in the middle.  A Libertarian, of sorts, though not necessarily labeling themselves as such.

Unfortunately, until I got to the ballot, I had no idea who was representing the parties of the Libertarian, or Green, or Constitution, or Justice, or Objectivist or, or, or ...  Why?  Because we are not presented with full information.  We are not given a true opportunity to speak our voices.  We are told "there are 6 numbers in the lottery, and you must pick all 6".  If you only pick 3 numbers, you are not truly participating.  You are wasting your time, your money, and your picks.  What would be the true purpose of going to get your ticket if you don't really want to win?

The conundrum is this:  if we all continue to follow the rest of the sheep and go to the polls with the mindset of 1 of 2 parties (or 6 of 6 lottery numbers), nothing will ever change.  Until we all step up and make our voices heard, the voices that say "we want choices! We want real representation! We want someone who is not just a face with words, but action!  We want something different!", the system will continue on the path it's on.  Americans will continue to be given 2 choices of people to run this country.  The party lines will continue to spread outward, and the country will continue to unravel.

I know I teach my children to stand up for themselves.  I'm a believer of having convictions and standing behind them.  I am a believer of making  a choice, sticking to it, and being proud of that, regardless of if your opinion is frowned upon by others.

I am also, however, not a fan of purposely choosing to lose.  I am not a fan of throwing away a vote to a candidate that, even if they obtain the 5% they're hoping for, will not win.  I am not sure how to get the government to hear our voices if we don't buck the system and fight back against it, but I also can not, in good faith, vote for Mickey Mouse.  I do not honestly think that using your right to vote and voting for the unknown will make the media stand at attention and say, "hey, maybe we SHOULD give equal time to ALL parties".  I just don't think the polls is the place to do this.  If you want to make a difference, it should start NOW for the 2016 election, not start now for the results of today's vote. 

Unfortunately, I acquiesced to the system, in the end.  I can not say I'm proud of this moment, but until our system is fixed, we start early enough, and everyone has an equal opportunity, why pick only 3 numbers when the requirement is 6?  Why throw you vote out the window?  Why does this system suck so bad?

Reset!

If you know me at all, you know I'm not exactly tech-savvy.  Ask me what I know about computers and I'll say I can turn them on.  That's about it.  I'm just that good!

Yesterday was the epitome of my luck with technology.  Keep in mind this all happened IN ONE DAY.  <sigh>

I woke up yesterday morning and was going to put dinner together in the Crockpot.  I get out my Kindle Fire to connect to Pinterest.   I get the message "wi-fi not connected".  So, I go to connect.  I pick the correct signal.  I type in the password.  I hit enter.  It won't let me connect.  I try again. And again. And again.  I finally get frustrated, so I go to "help".  It tells me how to connect (which I've already tried) and if I'm still having problems click here.  I click here and it says ... get this!! It says you can not access this site because you need an internet connection!!!  Gee, thanks.  <sigh>  Shannon later figured out I'd have to reset the system.  Reset!

I get to work, do paychecks, etc.  I go to deposit my check online!  I scan my check.  "Can not process".  I scan it again. And again. And again.  (Are you noticing a pattern yet?)  After my 6th attempt, I quit.  An hour later I decided to try again, so I reboot the computer, scan in my check, and it finally worked (after the 3rd attempt).  Reset!

When I got home, I was in one heck of a mood!  Between the girls not listening to me and just life in general, all I wanted to do was sit down with a bowl of ice-cream.  So, I went to my room and turned on my treadmill.  I hit the Start button. Nothing happened.  This is pretty typical, so I knew what to do.  I hit Stop. Stop. None.  Start.  It started right back up.  Yea!  I'm walking at 3.0, 5% incline and I get to 0.68 miles and BAM! It stopped abruptly!  I would have given myself whiplash if I'd been running, which I was just about to start doing.   I hit Stop. Nothing. Start. Nothing.

I think this is about the time I just started cursing like crazy.

I called Sears to see if my warranty was still good.  Here's the crazy part.  I purchased this on September 28, 2011.  It got delivered on October 3, 2011.  It was October 1, 2012, two days shy of the 1-year delivery date, but three days past the 1-year purchase date.  :)  She couldn't find my information in her system.  (Of course not!)

I keep everything.  This is something I have been picked on about my whole life.  What's that?  You need the instructions for that baby doll that was given to you five years ago?  I got it!  Right here in my filing cabinet along with the warranties and manuals for everything I've ever purchased. EXCEPT THE DAMN TREADMILL!!!!!!!!!!  Really!?!?

LUCKILY, after an hour and a half of searching, I found the receipt that was emailed to me.  I HOPE I am able to get this thing fixed.  I have to call today, because, naturally, the office had closed 5 minutes before my treadmill croaked.  Three phone calls and too many internet searches later, I gave up for the night.

Frustrated, pissed off, irritated, resigned, I get on my computer to just "relax" and vent on Facebook.  I type as my status, "Why does technology hate me!?!?!?"  I hit post.  Nothing happens.  (You can't make this stuff up!)  I hit post, again.  And again.  Nothing.  <sigh>  I refresh my screen and get "Untrusted Connection".

I turned off my computer, stomped to my room like a teenager, and got ready for bed.  I thought, "just one more attempt before bed", so I get my phone, hit my Facebook button, and ... blank screen.  I threw my phone at Shannon.  After a few seconds, a message appears.  Shannon didn't let me see it because he thought I'd have a stroke after the day I'd just had, but I did catch enough of it to know that it indicated Facebook couldn't be accessed on my phone.  Reset.

All of this in and of itself is funny enough.  All in one day.  But, as I sat here typing this, my co-worker came up to me and said, "Can you come find the paper in the copier? It's jammed."  I go to the copier, find the paper, and pull it out, along with a long piece of melted plastic.  Reset is not going to fix this.  Repairman, take me away!

Reset.

Rainy Day Cleaning

Today is one of those rare rainy days that we get in San Antonio.  I don't leave the house when it rains here because my anxiety level flies through the roof.  It's not ME driving in the rain so much that causes my fear; it's other idiots that scare me.  No one in SA knows how to drive when the sky clouds over.  They're certain that, regardless of the temperature, there is black ice on the road, so they must slam on their brakes and drive 20 miles an hour in a 65 zone. 

Don't get me wrong ...  I love the rain!  I love to sit on the porch, wrapped in a blanket, reading a book with a warm cup of coffee sitting beside me while I watch and listen to the rain.

Now, I don't get to DO this when it rains, but I love to.  One, I don't have porch to speak of. Two, I have two little girls who would never allow me to have the peace and quiet required to do these things.

So, instead of getting to do this, I mix my day up with laundry, playing with the girls, reading, and perusing the internet. 

Today, I was looking at Pinterest and my Aunt pinned this blog about cleaning your front-loading washer.  It made the little light in my head go "ding!"  We just replaced all of the towels in our house because we couldn't get the stinky-moldy smell out of the old ones.  So, it naturally made sense for me to follow the instructions presented to me.

There are not many things in life that I regret doing.  You can add two things to that very short list - 1) buying a front-loading washing machine, and 2) cleaning said washer for the first time seven years after purchasing it, having washed hundreds, if not thousands, of poop-covered clothes in that time.

I had no idea of all of the hidden spots that needed to be cleaned!  Pull this back, put a q-tip in here, dry this off, soak that, open this.  There was a whole new (unwelcome) world opened up to me today.  One that I never want to see again! 

It took me about 30 minutes, handfuls of baking soda, all of my remaining vinegar, 2 cups of bleach, 20 q-tips, and a full-sized towel to clean this 18" circle of death.  And it's still not really clean.  It's currently running an empty cycle, the first of many today. 

The towel is now in the trash.  My stomach is almost back where it belongs in my body. And my savings account suddenly has a new target. 

So, to any of you unfortunate souls who made the trendy, colossal mistake of purchasing one of these demon machines, take heed - CLEAN THAT SUCKER REGULARLY!!!!!!!  Do not wait!  Or, better yet, get a new machine!!! :)

Now, go out and enjoy the rain!