Sunday, June 15, 2014

This is NOT what I signed up for...

Shannon highjacked the blog... AGAIN!

I did not sign up to be the father to a Special Needs child, especially one with some disorder I had never heard of before.
I did not sign up to be the father to two girls.
Somewhere along the way, God must have gotten it wrong.

The way it was supposed to work was that my firstborn would be a boy. My son would be the sports star that I so desperately wanted to be growing up. He would never be the quarterback though, he was too talented to JUST be the quarterback. He was more of a power receiver on offense and a devastating linebacker on defense. Undoubtedly the 2nd Baseman on the diamond and the best 6th man small forward that anyone had seen in a long time. That is the son I signed up for.
 Between two and five years after my son was born, my daughter would be born. Like her brother, she would be very talented in her own right. She would have a love of sports, especially softball... and she would be an equally good 2nd Baseman. More so, she would be beautiful. Not that stuck up, popular girl clique kind of beautiful... rather the type that is just genuinely, girl-next-door, sweet as pie beautiful. She would have a mighty protector of a brother, but would rarely need him. She could fight her own battles when needed.

THAT is the fatherhood that I signed up for. What I got was not even close.

What I got was something so frustrating that I often wonder if I am doing anything right by them. What I got was exhaustion beyond my wildest imagination. What I got...

was so much more than I could have ever imagined. 

I have the two most amazing daughters, perhaps ever.
 Lauren has Fragile X Syndrome and this causes a severe amount of frustration for Rachelle and me... but nothing compared to what it does to Lauren, yet she handles it with such decorum.
 Kristen does not get the fairest lot in life because she, so often, has to fulfill the role of 'big sister' to Lauren.
 Despite the, not so fair, hand they were dealt the love that they show to one another, to us, to everyone around them was unfathomable to me for so many years. Never did I know that two young girls could have such an impact on their community as Lauren and Kristen have had in their short lives. Ask anyone, and they will likely tell you that they "don't know what it is, but (they) just LOVE those girls..."
 They have forgiveness in their hearts, love in their souls, and grace in every fiber of their being.

Sure, I might be a little biased. Perhaps I wear my blinders a little too tight... but no matter. I would be ignorant to say that they are PERFECT, but they are darn sure close (most of the time). There are times that they are vile little turds whose apparent mission is to bring hurricane-like destruction to anything and everything in their path. I attribute that side of their personality to revenge for my childhood. They say your children are twice as bad as you were growing up... I'd say my kids are equal in the turd department. But I could not hold a candle to their wonderful side.

As I sit here on this Father's Day, alone in the living room while everyone else lays down for a nap, all I want is to lay down as well, but not before I finish this... I am in a peaceful bliss knowing that my God knew exactly what he was doing when he blessed me with two daughters. Two very special souls who invent new ways to fill my heart with love every day.

I am blessed beyond measure, even if it not what I signed up for.

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